Bachelors in Fine Arts from the
National College of Arts,
Lahore, Pakistan

Based in Stockport, Greater Manchester

Do you like your tea a certain way and at a certain temperature? At a certain time of the day, sipping it while gathering your thoughts, looking out serenely into the garden watching birds go about their day.

Do you like placing certain things on your desk or bedside table just so? Or making detailed plans and basking in the sense of accomplishment it brings when they’re executed? How about finishing an article or book at your leisure, without interruptions or pauses unless you welcome the break?
That’s control.

Now let’s talk about motherhood.

Everyday holds a new surprise, while feeling like a never-ending repeat of nappy changes, feeds and sleep routines. Everything’s a power struggle or debate with the toddler, everything needs to be explored-by-chewing by the baby.

You are at the centre of these tiny beings’ world and in full control of their lives.
Yet you have never felt like you had less control over anything in your life.

Suddenly your tea is always cold, always guzzled. The bedside table is the toddler’s favourite exploration corner. The articles are rarely finished, sentences are read and re-read without ever being completed. It’s the most codependent relationship you will ever be in, where they can’t poo without you and you can’t without them… and neither of you has a choice in the matter!

But there is more joy, reverie and wonderment than anything else, and that’s what keeps you going. Never before and never again will you be this important, this purely loved and this literal a centre of anyone’s existence ever again. Never will you get love, cuddles and kisses this often or this pure.

So how essential is control against the chaotic, overwhelming, all encompassing love that motherhood brings? Embracing motherhood in all its chaotic glory is at core of this series as I negotiate, converse, explore and duel on canvas to figure out who’s really in control; the paint or me?